Get a Knife, Get a Dog, but Get Rid of Guns
...I am not antigun. I'm proknife. Consider the merits of the knife. In the first place, you have to catch up with someone in order to stab him. A general substitution of knives for guns would promote physical fitness. We'd turn into a whole nation of great runners. Plus, knives don't ricochet. And people are seldom killed while cleaning their knives....
American newspaper columnist and essayist. Born in California and raised in Houston, Texas, Ivins received a B.A. from Smith College and an M.A. in journalism from Columbia University. She worked on the staffs of the Houston Chronicle, the Minneapolis Tribune, the Texas Observer, the New York Times, and the Dallas Times Herald; she became nationally famous as a syndicated political columnist at the Fort Worth Star-Telegram. An unapologetic liberal, Ivins used humor to address serious issues and delighted especially in exposing politics at its worst. Her collections include Molly Ivins Can't Say That, Can She? (1991) and You Got to Dance with Them What Brung You (1998). Her books include Shrub: The Short but Happy Political Life of George W. Bush (2000), Bushwhacked: Life in George W. Bush's America (2003), and Who Let the Dogs In? Incredible Political Animals I Have Known (2004). See also mollyivins.com.